Ah, the voices that are in our minds! They are the ones you recognize. They whisper words of judgment and doubt.
They ask us, “Who do you think you are?”
“How could you possibly be so clueless?”
They masterfully make us feel that we’re not good enough.
Before we realize that it’s happening gradually, we begin to lose confidence in the person we are, what we do, and everything else we’ve ever believed we knew.
Do you recognize yourself?
It’s not just you.
There are many reasons for being uncertain.
A study published in Psychology Today points to everything from genetics to life experiences to media messages as reasons why our confidence is slipping.
What do you do when struggling to maintain your confidence?
Answer “a lot.”
Here are four steps that have helped restore confidence in my clients quickly. I work with I’m sure they’ll help you do the same.
Step 1: Figure Out the Root Cause
Understanding why your confidence is waning is crucial to reversing the downward spiral and not just recovering your confidence but also enhancing it during the process.
Therefore, you should take the time to be aware of your surroundings, your thoughts on your behavior, and your relationships to ensure that you can recognize the negative influences that require to be dealt with.
- Have you compared yourself with others’ “highlight reels” on social media? Does this increase your confidence, or do you get just the opposite?
- Are you setting unrealistic expectations of yourself? Do you think you must achieve “perfect” or need to “know it all” from the start? Do you think these “unattainables” are part of the issue with your confidence slipping away?
- Are you feeling your age? If you are in your 20s, 30s or 40s, 50s, 60s, or even beyond, every stage of life is filled with new adventures and, sometimes, learning something new can lead to becoming less confident in who we thought we were.
- Are the people in your life–your so-called “friends,” your bosses, colleagues, or even your significant others–disrespecting you to beat you and your self-confidence down?
The process of asking yourself these questions and getting the answers will allow you to let go of who or whatever is holding you back.
Step 2: Remember Who You Are
I am sure it may sound too easy or overwhelming and possibly even terrifying.
However, I can assure you that every person I’ve coached has found it an empowering experience.
You are simply taking a look at yourself. Take out an A4-sized piece of paper, and Note down the time you’ve lived.
It is possible to start at any time and concentrate on the individual and group year in intervals of 5 or 10 years.
It does not matter the method you use to accomplish this, and it’s all that matters is to be honest with yourself and yourself as you go about it.
Humans are prone to recall and think about the negative aspects of life, such as memories, unpleasant memories, or perceived mistakes.
For this exercise, you need to note down the things you’ve performed in the past that led you to the point you are now.
Every moment is essential. No judgments, no cherry-picking, and all you have to do are note it all down.
For instance, When you were eleven months old, did you make the first step? In what year did you say your first words?
What year did you begin learning how to use your bicycle?
When were you 16 when you received your driver’s permit?
Did you acquire your computer skills using a PC or on a Mac?
Was it your first kiss or crush?
Did you ever have a furry or feathered companion?
What was the first time that you took a flight?
When were you old enough when you receive your first check?
What was the most memorable thing you’ve done in the past that you thought you wouldn’t ever be able to accomplish?
It’s easy to see that when we look back at all the things we’ve accomplished (and have succeeded at)–many of that we had no idea about at the beginning, we begin to see just how skilled we are?
It’s not like we weren’t prone to mistakes or didn’t slip and fall while learning, and we likely have.
It’s important to remember that we grew and neither the good nor the negative ones.
When we do this exercise, we begin to be able to see ourselves clearly and increase our confidence in ourselves.
Also, we begin to see the bigger picture from a distance, frequently having that moment of clarity when we realize that an occasion that didn’t go as expected turned out to be the catalyst for an event that was better and more memorable than you ever imagined.
Then, we take it to the next level and look beyond our own.
Therefore, you can write a small social media post or write a straightforward text message that asks others in your life to mention three or two characteristics that pop up when they think of you.
Don’t be afraid to speak up, and don’t be scared of what they might say. I guarantee that the replies you get will positively shock you.
We are all our most vile enemies, But this doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t befriend the person we are (and the people whose voices of self-doubt, judgment, and self-doubt within our heads make us believe we are).
Also Read Self Healing: How you can Heal your Life
Step 3: Strike a Pose
Madonna fans might have said “Vogue,” Yes, it’s the discussion here. If you’ve not been able to listen to the lyrics from the 1990 smash with that name, I suggest you take the time to do so.
The song is about taking to the dance on the dance floor when you don’t feel at ease with yourself.
The lyrics address those who are struggling to believe in themselves, and they tell us that throughout time iconic figures with a sense of humor went out and performed their best–and you could, too.
Are you convinced? Don’t you believe it’s so easy? Do you not know or even want to dance?
I can hear you. However, before dismissing this action, think about this instance that got me started on the road to do my best every time I felt that I was struggling to maintain my confidence and required a boost.
As a young corporate executive trying to stay above the water during the tough time of integrating with an unrelated team.
My encounters with an older, more mature “been around the block” famous person before I’d find myself in the boardroom with the decision-makers of my future.
The lovely lady revealed her secrets about how she could be confident even in her most stressful moments.
Are you ready?
In the hallway, elevator, or the bathroom, you go on your journey to whatever has affected your faith and ability.
You do what she described to me as “the Wonder Woman pose” (works regardless of how you define yourself).
Also Read 30-day mind body and soul challenge
Step 4: Say “No”
Confidence is waning, which means you’ve let your power go. And one of the quickest methods to regain the control you have is to say the two letters”NO.
This is going to require some time. But, guess what? You did, too, lose confidence in your abilities.
Reread Step 1 of this article. Each one of those instances required time, and in fact, you can practice reducing confidence in yourself.
Now, you can identify the ones contributing to the way you feel about yourself. Let’s begin to work on restoring your self-esteem.
Are you scrolling through your social media, causing damage to your mind?
You can take a moment to say “no” to it. Get off Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, or whatever else is eating your time.
You can decide which way you want to allow this noise into your life.
The importance of telling yourself “no” to paying attention to the posts of others is something you are in control of and can have a rewarding result.
What if you’ve discovered that your lack of confidence is directly linked to your becoming older?
There’s no doubt that there’s ageism and bias, as well as a prevalent belief that you’re old enough to take on specific tasks or learn new skills.
However, here’s what I’ve realized at any age, we assume that the decade prior was more straightforward and that we’re quicker, smarter, and more efficient.
Some of it may be accurate, but most of the time, it’s not.
It’s time to say “no” to focusing on things you don’t think you can accomplish or cannot anymore do as well as you once could.
Focus on everything you are aware of and everything you’ve experienced and learned from, and the knowledge you’ve developed.
When your inner voice is nagging you, say to it, “No. Sorry, but you’re not right, and here’s the reason why. …”
Try saying “no” at least once per day. It could be due to your voice that is a source of uncertainty, but it also could be due to external influences you’ve discovered that made you doubt your confidence.
Together with these additional suggestions are practical steps to restore your confidence.
The loss of confidence in ourselves is common, and I’ve experienced it several times.
I’m betting that if you ask your closest friends in your life – the people who seem to be so confident, they’ll smile and nod to let you know that they’ve faced self-doubt and a loss of confidence. It’s a part of life as a human being and this journey we call life.